I WAS in love once, I gave up my life to make her happy, and it almost killed me.

Relationship are a lifetime commitment. Blood, tears and sweat are shed along the way. Sadly, relationships, while working for a few, have ruined and impoverished many.

As we grow older, there’s a natural expectation that we should be in relationships. But not everytime. Look around you, relationships which must be sources of a blissful existence are the bane of mankind.

I can’t claim to speak for all men, but I truly believe when we fall in love, our minds stop functioning to a degree, and matters of the heart start to lead. It happened to me in my last relationship whilst undertaking my Advanced Level studies. The day l met her is the day l put my books aside, two months before the final examinations. Deep in love, l practically lived for her. Instead of going to school, I was out on the streets hustling for money so that I may at least make her happy, maybe taking her out to Steers or Rainbow Hotel.

I always fought to better her than l cared for myself. I positioned her first in everything, not knowing she was using me. Stupid love. I remember myself writing Zimsec Literature broken hearted, stressed to the core, after learning that the woman of my dreams was cheating on me and had just had it with my best friend.

Emotionally and physically exhausted soon after the examination, I came up with a plan to end it all, my torment. I would throw myself in front of a moving train, I resolved. I wrote my suicide note and sent my last goodbyes to my loved ones. The world had failed me, I was convinced.

Deeply stressed and weary, I lay myself on the railway line, ready to end it all. But the train was long coming, of course it’s Zimbabwe. Sleep caught up with me. Then, as if in a dream, there was some movement in the tall grass nearby. I woke up startled, to the awkward sight of railway tracks. As I’m trying to gather my thoughts, and remember my purpose, a black mamba glided through the grass into view, and time stood still. Snake and human, eyeball to eyeball. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, it hissed menacingly, turned away and left the scene.

I look back on that day and think it was God himself. The encounter with the black mamba cleared my head. I felt like I had just taken a morning winter shower straight from bed – and I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I knew then, no relationship is worth your life. Some haven’t been so lucky, they fall into depression and end up dead – it could be an overdose, hanging or murder suicide.

My heart is healed, but I am reluctant to love again. Sometimes I feel I’m better off alone. Being single gives one time and space to develop themselves, having no obligation of checking on someone and worrying about their well-being – especially when the feelings are not reciprocated.

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